"The Lord has given me a well-trained tongue
that I may speak to the weary a word that will rouse them."
-Isaiah 50:4
Good Enough Youth Ministry
My life philosophy, and consequently my ministry philosophy, has been lampooned as "if you set the bar low enough, you'll always clear it." The reality is, that's not true at all: I just believe that expectations should be realistic, plateaus are an okay reality, and we should strive for more without getting caught up in the rat race to be the best. Too many ministers (heck, too many people) get on this train of needing to be the best. My initial working document for my ministry was called "Becoming the Exceptional Youth Ministry." Exceptional! It wasn't enough for me to be doing God's will, or making a difference in the lives of young people, I had to be exceptional! Wow. Talk about pride. I suspect many of you aren't that dissimilar.
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My approach has since evolved. Taking some inspiration from Bruno Bettelheim’s book A Good Enough Parent (and, to be fair, my counselor wife's explanation thereof), I've set my expectations not to perfection, but to adequacy. I am not necessary for good ministry to happen, I am called and chosen. I am not the only person for the task, I am the right person for the right moment. I am not the best, or smartest, or most charismatic, or only person responsible for the salvation of the teens in my care - but I am the one who has the opportunity to be Christ to them.
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That led me to the development of my process for doing youth ministry. It draws strongly on several books, but of most note are Doug Fields' Purpose Driven Youth Ministry and Daniel Coyne's The Culture Code.
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"And" Theology
One of the things that Youth Minister's often struggle with is defining there role in relation to the teens that they serve. Are you a friend? A mentor? A surrogate parent? A teacher? A babysitter? An event planner? And often times, the answer to all of these is "yes." It creates a situation like Ted Mosby on his first day being a professor: "I'm Prof. Mosby. But you can call me Ted. Or Professor Mosby. Or T-Dawg. Do NOT call me T-Dawg." It's mind-bending, trying to figure it out at any given moment. And I find that too many of us default to being "kind of a teacher" or else simply "an authority figure in the Church." And this is so unhelpful!
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While we do fill myriad roles in the lives of teenagers, our primary and preeminent role should be as a witness, an alter Christus, another Christ. We don't have any natural authority, for starters. The teens are either there by choice or by force of their parents. And our major goal isn't - or at least shouldn't be - to fill their heads with all of the knowledge the Church possesses. Our aim is to make them lifelong Disciples of Jesus Christ by helping teens encounter Him and live out His Gospel message. That's a monumental task.
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That is why we employ the technique of "And" Theology. We start with the teens themselves, each one of them, as an individual. And when we know them, their hobbies, their talents, their likes and dislikes and fears, then we can begin to propose Jesus to them. We must earn the right to share the Gospel and our very selves with the teens we serve. Just having the title "Youth Minister" does not grant you authority or wisdom in the eyes of, well, anyone. You must earn the trust and the credibility of the teens so they will hear your message.
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So we share about the Browns, and whatever they watch on TV, their BF/GF, their homework assignments, their sports teams, their college aspirations. And theology. Every conversation becomes an opportunity to remind them God loves them, that Jesus has a plan and a purpose for their life, the God created them fearfully and wonderfully made. Not forcing God into the conversation, but as naturally as can be reminding them that you love and care for them JUST AS JESUS DOES, and letting the Holy Spirit work in their hearts for their lifelong conversion.
Insight Nights
Insight Nights are what I call my weekly catechetical/small group meetings with my High School teens. I "borrowed" it from my youth minister and I love what it conveys - because our purpose with these meetings is to be welcoming, grow as a community, and gain some Insight into Jesus Christ, our faith lives, our families, and ourselves. They usually follow a simple structure (similar to Life Teen's model): Gather (bring the group together for a game, and intro question, or some icebreaker), Proclaim (sharing the topic), Break (breaking into small groups to break open the topic), and Send (coming back together for prayer, announcements, and sending forth). The following topics are MOSTLY questions for small groups, sometimes with notes for the proclaim piece as well.
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This topic has a bit of my own take on modesty and the issue with "purity culture." The discussion centers around building a working definition of modesty that is both profound and attainable, and working through issues of body image, rape culture/victim shaming, and the sexism which seems inherent in any discussion of modesty.
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Not a Tame Lion [The Chronicles of Narnia]
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Obey Your Noodly Master [Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster]
This is sort of an odd topic for youth ministry, but I love it! We pick apart the core beliefs of Pastafarianism - a satirical religion founded in Kansas in 2005 to protest teaching creationism in science classes. His argument was simple: if you were to teach intelligent design as science, then you had to teach all forms of it, not just the Christian one. So he posited a universe ruled over by a Flying Spaghetti Monster who created Human Beings, loves Pirates, and whose heaven is filled with beer. I love the topic because it forces us to look at Christianity through a critical lens, and consider some of the beliefs that are satirized.
What is Love [C.S. Lewis' The Four Loves] / Hand-Out
I am so proud of the work that went into this one - and I love anything C.S. Lewis has written so it's a good one. I especially love how he develops Storge - what we call family love but which he also calls the love for people who "just happen to be there" like, y'know, youth group kids. This has a handout with a synopsis of the whole book, but I recommend planning this one a few weeks out and reading the book yourself.
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Embrace the Habit [Rhythm / Rest / Monasticism]
We originally did this topic during the COVID-19 lockdowns under the title "Party Like It's 1699" (an homage to Weird Al's Amish Paradise). It was incredibly appropriate at the time - we were trying to help teens form and maintain routines in a time when it was the wild west and they could easily have slept all day, never gotten out of their pajamas, and wasted away mentally. We wanted to connect them to the concept of a life rhythm or rule of life (shoutout to Doug Fields for the concept), and root that habit in the monastic traditions of the Church. I like this topic, especially, because it is always cause for me to re-evaluate my rule of life as well.
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